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Tha Mi Sgith
Changing the world, one bagpipe playing genderqueer at a time.
Recent Entries 
16th-Jul-2008 12:26 pm - oh hai. i'm old greg.
horatio
Oregon was epicepicepic. A lot of pants trading, a lot of music, shoe making, bread making, natural dyes, lesbian music... all the good stuff.

Now I'm bumming around SC for the rest of the week, off to Berkeley for the weekend, and then to the East Coast for a few weeks with my mother and Devlin.

I'm a little tan; it's freaky.

Also, I have blank CDs. I know people needed music, so you should tell me which so I can burn it for you.
26th-Jun-2008 10:05 pm(no subject)
horatio
I am addicted to Ani DiFranco...

My mother: Are you going downtown today?
Me: Maybe, why?
Her: I NEED YOU TO BUY AN ANI DIFRANCO CD.

Gladly accomplished, plus some iTunes purchases.

In other news, I'm attempting to not inherit Devlin's existential crisis. Camp was amazing; super chill and filled with music and wonderful. I'm heading off tomorrow to the Kate Wolf Memorial Music Festival, which will be excellent, and include the Waifs, Greg and Pieta Brown, the Greencards, Keith Greeniger, and Ani DiFranco. I'm anticipating a good degree of epicness.

Oregon is fairly soon, and then the East Coast, aka lesbian roadtrip with Devlin and my mother, from the 22nd of July to the 5th of August. Then Midwest aka Oberlin, Macalaster, and stepfamily, from the 18th to the 22nd of August. Time goes so fast and this confuses me. You'd think that after Panama I'd understand better the constant motion of everything but I don't think I do. I really don't think I do.

Then comes school from late August to late January, and then I'm done and hopefully get into college. And that's it. My first step towards whatever the real world might be. I'm ready, and I'm not. Better there than here though, that's what I have to say.
13th-Jun-2008 09:22 pm - dude, Charlie. behold.
horatio
 
Behold... My Future
  I will marry Melanie.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in santa cruz in our fabulous House.  
  We will have 0 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a gray dragon.
  I will spend my days as a professional gay, and live happily ever after.  
 
whats your future
 
2nd-Jun-2008 10:28 pm - remembering panama
horatio
It's 90 degrees out, maybe 85, as the humid air cools into the cast of night. The bomp, bomp, bomp of reggaeton is one million decibels and the disco is a writhing mass of bodies, singing along, "Mami yo quiero bailaaaar" and waving their arms, bumping into one another in the most strategic ways. Maruquel leads me into the crowd, her short fat body already jiggling in anticipation of a dance. She turns, narrows shrewish eyes at me. "Cuidese mami. Nunca sabe. Take care of yourself, you don't know what could happen." Then we are in, like swimmers overtaken by a wave. The smells of sweat and alcohol pull me in, force me to move my body. I am like a ghost in this dark, undulating room. Jorge, the son of the friend whose friend works with Maruquel (that's how we know each other here) is not close enough to me... The music makes nearness both easy and hard, the one two-and one two-and over and over as a constant pulse that pulls together and drives apart.

Next to me, some dark bronze beach blonde has slid her lithe body all along that of a small hairy man; they're dancing, must be colombianos say the looks of Maruquel, those dirty colombianos. Jorge is dancing with his sister again, I swear that I'm not jealous. An old man comes by, we dance, I feel awkward but the music is flowing forward and forward and I can't go back.

At some point I step over a ledge and I am the same as the beat, the beat is me. A bachata comes on, slower and spiderlike. Jorge's sister comes to remind me how to dance it- step step lift, step step lift. She's pretty, dancing close, but this is Panama, not quite gregarious Panama, party but don't ever ask or know Panama. I focus on the steps, their repetitive motions, and I am inside the music. "Tu vida es mi vida, your life is my life," croons the singer, and I look over and it is a room of people draped over other people, except for me, Jorge's sister, and Maruquel, almost a matriarch but for the greedy wishful look on her face. I look at Jorge- he's dancing with some lovely girl but I don't think he cares; he just loves the feel of the jam packed hall.

More reggaeton, more, then more. We are in a circle, squished into what is for practical purposes a line, doing as the song says, come on "mueve las pompas, move your ass" and we do, we keep it moving moving moving. I feel like I'm drunk because the room seems to be swirling around with some unnameable energy that I've never felt before.

I look at Jorge, he sees me. We are all swaying and hopping and being crazy; I almost fight my way to the scratched wooden bar to con my way into some liquor but I remember that Jorge doesn't drink. I can't be the only drunk one in my imagined party of two. Merengue, classic, can be simple, can be hard. Maruquel tells me to dance with Jorge, and he obliges kindly. A quick one two one two and our grip is very close and my hand is clasped in his. I know there is nothing to be had here, but I am la rakataka; I will make this my party, and I will take this country as part of me, even this boy. I will take him and wrap him around my mind mirroring my hand and his, and he will become part of Panama, and I will become part of a night, just this tropical night.
28th-May-2008 10:14 pm - What a year!
horatio
Tomorrow's my birthday; I'll be 17.

That's not a big deal, but what I have decided to do for myself as a birthday present is.

I need a name that is gender neutral in order to feel like I am really transitioning. I have never in my life felt that Laurel fit me particularly well, but couldn't find a solution.

Well now I have.

From now on, please do your best to call me Hayden.

I know it will take time and I'm still getting used to it. I'm changing my Facebook page in 3 days... Then I guess it's as official as it can unofficially get.

<3,
Hayden
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